Swings and roundabouts… the orbit may be growing, but it still draws me into peril before flinging me further out into the safety of the unknown.
“I’ve never posted anything, wouldn’t didn’t.” making me feel pathetic enough. Followed with “And even if I did, it’s none of your business.”
“It fucking was when we were supposedly still together.”
“I did that once. My pic was reported within a minute of posting. Fuckers.”
Is a far cry from “I’ve never done anything like that, I wouldn’t, but you can think what you want, you will any way.” as she turns it onto me in order to guilt me for posting her own words saying she has. She was doing this while telling me she loved me and wanted me. Couldn’t even have the courtesy to be honest with me, while flirting with and posting nudes to people she barely knows, behind my back. So scared I’d get into her groups she threatened she’d quit them if I joined. Not because “They’re just for me.. my time” but because this is her. She told me she played a mean girl on the internet, but the fact is, she plays a nice girl. To see her so happily attack and abuse people on appearance or opinion, even out of the blue, it’s nasty. A Venus fly trap to be sure. interesting, but a one trick pony.
So, had it not been for reportahoes…
All of this while watching me crumble underneath the confusion of what was going on. She doesn’t even know the people. And the guy she is talking to here is the same guy she wrote a poem about…
But has never had guys send her dick picks. “my inbox is not flowing with dicks!”
I’m guessing it all started just around the time you were pulling away from me. Ahh no, that was all my fault, I remember now. I was reading your public blog that you wrote a decade ago. Where you did basically the exact same thing to someone else before dumping him on the phone and going out that night to party. From marriage to nothing in 3 weeks. But to you that is stalking and me watching the same thing unfold before my eyes, is a reason I need to get help. None of it was true at all, all the images, the quotes, I imagined them all, they’re all out of context. It’s all satire.
Yet, Posting pictures of someones children from their public profile, is perfectly fine, because it’s in the public domain. And you believe yourself. You think nothing of bringing someones kid into your drama, but if I’m desperately trying to find answers to things I don’t understand and you’re simply not there emotionally to even care, that’s a big red flag.. and has been your reasoning ever since.
Failing to realise that as you pulled away, that was when I started to react. your slow fade was almost perfect.
She sent me a picture once, told me she had taken it a few days earlier. But we were not talking to each other so much then, so I wondered why she was randomly taking pictures of her nipple piercings… sending it to me days later. She was also selling pictures of her feet.
^^^ well now I know why. Why do I still feel this thing inside me? Betrayal sticks in my throat like undigested carrion as the sickness wells to erupt in a torrent of misguided angry fucked up thoughts.
She even writes poems about guys who send her dick picks… “My inbox has no dick picks, there are no dick pics..”
Yep. I was nothing more than a toy for this person who on more than one occasion makes reference to playing with her ‘prey’ a bit before leaving it dead on the porch.
Just being lied to over and over… that’s the part that hurts the most, because I let it happen.
Cannot internet tonight. Its going to be rather fucking nasty in my brain for a while I think… I can only hope I pass out before “he” consumes my thought processes again… god forgive me…